Education & coaching

Healing Together Articles

From Healing Together, the coaching program Dr. Carol created with Alissa Wakefield. Education and coaching, not therapy.

• Can We Fix Our Relationship Without Couples Therapy?

  When one partner resists counseling or clinical sessions feel out of reach, there is another way forward that starts with changing how your system operates.

• How Do I Feel Close to My Partner Again?

  If you've tried date nights and 'more quality time' and still feel far from your partner, this looks at why closeness fades even without conflict—and what actually brings it back.

• How Does My Attachment Style Affect My Relationship?

  Your attachment style works less like a label and more like a forecast your nervous system makes about closeness, and forecasts can be updated.

• Hyper-Independence in Marriage After Trauma

  When extreme self-reliance becomes a shield, it can leave you feeling deeply lonely in your marriage. Learn how to let down your guard and let your partner in.

• My Partner Won't Work on the Relationship: Can One Person Really Fix It?

  If you're the only one reading the articles, booking the date nights, and suggesting counseling, here's why more effort isn't the answer—and what actually is.

• Why Am I So Reactive with My Partner But Not with Anyone Else?

  If you are highly regulated at work but find yourself snapping at your partner, you are not broken—your nervous system is reacting to a very specific dynamic.

• Why Do I Feel Lonely in My Relationship When Nothing's 'Wrong'?

  If you feel lonely in your relationship despite loving your partner and having a 'good' life together, the gap isn't logistical — it's a subconscious pattern of guardedness, and it's closer to healing than you think.

• Why Do I Keep Chasing When My Partner Pulls Away?

  If you keep chasing your partner even when you know it backfires, the pull isn't a willpower problem—it's a subconscious alarm system, and it responds to a different kind of work than advice alone.

• Why Do Small Arguments Turn Into Big Fights So Fast?

  If a comment about the laundry can turn into a full-blown fight in under a minute, the problem isn't the laundry—it's how fast your nervous system decides you're under threat.

• Why Do We Feel Like Roommates Instead of Partners?

  If your relationship runs smoothly but feels emotionally flat, here's why 'reconnecting' hasn't stuck—and what actually changes the pattern underneath it.

• Why Do We Keep Having the Same Fight Over and Over?

  If you and your partner keep circling back to the same argument in different clothing, the real driver isn't the topic on the surface — it's what's happening underneath, and there's a way to actually shift it.

• Why Does My Partner Never Ask About My Day?

  When your partner never asks how your day was, it is easy to feel invisible. Discover the subconscious patterns behind this silence and how to shift them.

• Why Does My Partner Shut Down When We Argue?

  A warm, grounded look at why partners stonewall during conflict, and how the Between-and-Within approach helps couples shift the pursue-withdraw cycle.

• Why Doesn't Communication Advice Work for Us?

  If you've mastered every communication technique in the book and still end up in the same fight, the problem was never the words—it's the foundation underneath them.

• Why You Can't Communicate During a Fight

  If you have ever rehearsed a calm conversation only to find yourself snapping or shutting down in the actual fight, you are not failing—your nervous system is simply reacting.