What is EFT? A New Approach to Age-Old Problems

According to Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of the EFT model:

The goals of EFT across All 3 modalities:

• To order and re-organize key emotional responses – the music of the interactional dance with others.
• To expand both the clients’ core sense of self and how they respond to others in the dance of attachment.
• To foster emotional balance and coherence, a sense of competence and worth and the open, responsive engagement with others that shapes secure bonds – bonds that create resilience and agency.

Not all therapists and couple’s therapy approaches are created equal. Getting a “deal” or low fee therapist is not necessarily a good idea unless you know what their training is and if they are under supervision of a skilled supervisor. In fact, according to a leading and well known marriage therapist, William Doherty, couple’s therapy with someone who has not had extensive training specifically in doing couple’s therapy can actually be a hazard to the marital relationship!

According to Doherty, one of the “dirty little secrets” about couple’s therapy is that it is the HARDEST therapy to learn to execute well! The trained clinicians at the Couple and Family Institute of Tri-Cities know the challenges and are prepared! Every therapist that works with couple’s at CFIT are required to receive extensive EFT training and specific EFT supervision. We use the most essential and rigorous techniques such as videotape review in supervision, continual training, and “bug in the ear” support to continually advance our skills so every couple receives the most cutting edge treatment available at a price they can afford.

Your EFT trained provider will form an alliance with each of you and as a couple that will bring safety to the session. Your therapist will not blame or shame you regardless of what has happened in your relationship, but will help you understand the impact you have on one another. The work of EFT happens right in the session between you and your partner, and within you, not on your own doing paperwork.

EFT is an experiential therapy. You won’t receive skills training on how to talk to each other, you won’t receive assignments and papers to keep you busy, we know from the research that the cognitive approach is not as effective as an experiential approach.

You will receive modeling and support to talk to each other on a different level as your provider will invite you to share key emotions and newly developed understanding with your partner. You will be invited to experience and express your deeper emotional fears and needs, understand what gets in the way of the closeness you long for, and your therapist will help shape experiences that will change the way you interact with each other.

The EFT therapist uses powerful interventions that are shown in research to be highly effective in helping couple’s access and share deeper emotions by reflecting, validating, encouraging, and engaging in a safe and experiential way. You will feel held, seen, and supported as you and your partner find new ways of interacting that bring love and connection back into your relationship.

EFT is considered a short-term therapy with an average of around 18-20 sessions. However, depending on the couple, the history, the length of time entrenched in negative patterns, and especially if one or both have trauma, EFT can take considerably longer. Each couple is unique, and no one has a crystal ball to know exactly how long it will take, but you and your EFT therapist will consider together the needs and collaborate on when you feel ready to spread out and taper off visits.

Yes, there certainly are several things we can direct you to that will help.  We don’t really give “homework” to couples very often, but when couple’s ask us for something to assist or help them with furthering the work along, this is our standard go to:  Sue Johnson’s audio or hardbound book

Love Sense will help you understand more of the process with lots and lots of research she weaves into the narrative of relationships, EFT approach, and case studies that fit with most couples’ dilemmas.  Her book is a delightful and fascinating read and very helpful as a base to understanding what we’re doing in EFT. We recommend you purchase the audio version which is read by Sue Johnson herself. Her lovely and soothing English lit is impactful itself!

Sue’s other NY Times best-selling book is more of a workbook of 7 conversations. While it’s a wonderful book to read, and we recommend it, we also recommend that you attend a Hold Me Tight® workshop to get the best benefit. Couples who attend this workshop move further along the path toward healing than couple’s who do not attend. Through the 7 conversations you learn all the psychoeducation information you’ll need to understand EFT, what you and your partner need, and will have a real experience of walking through the steps of EFT.

This is an excellent way to get approximately 10 hours of therapy that can augment, boost, or begin your couple’s journey toward healing on the same page and together! CFIT offers a HMT workshop at least twice a year in February and October. 

There’s one more resource we utilize frequently for couples to do that can be helpful outside of the therapy hour. This workbook will help you walk through some of the more difficult parts of the work and offers you a way to do it together on your own time in conjunction with couples therapy.